CHICAGO, IL – Today John Whittaker held a press conference in front of the Universal Press Foundation. During the press conference, he revealed to the reporters that UPF is going bankrupt due to the emergence of the digital age and the ever-growing lack of a need for physical encyclopedias.
John Whittaker said “Our children now walk around with their eyes glued to a screen. Everywhere they go, they are bombarded by technology and an endless supply of information at their fingertips. Despite our best attempts to transfer the Universal Press Foundation’s success to the internet, they were not successful. I hereby announce the bankruptcy of UPF. All employees received a generous severance package along with their names being given to numerous other companies in this industry in need of good workers.”
John Whittaker will be just fine, because although the business went bankrupt, he has hundreds of millions of dollars saved from when the company was still profitable.
One thought on “John Whittaker’s Company Universal Press Foundation Goes Bankrupt Because Who Reads Encyclopedias Anymore?”
…And one by one his bits of money are disappearing as he gives away free ice cream by the buckets.
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