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Robert Mitchell Found Locked In Phil Lollar’s Basement

ARIZONA – An FBI SWAT team raided the house of Phil Lollar today. Lollar is a writer for the popular radio drama, Adventures in Odyssey. They raided his house under the suspicion that he was holding one of their agents captive. Those suspicions were confirmed when they located a tunnel under Lollar’s residence which led to a cell with bars and a lock. Inside the cell was FBI agent Robert Mitchell. He was in good health, but he had begun to lose hope he would ever be released from his bondage. Reportedly, Lollar would routinely come down to the cell and make Mitchell repeat 100x a day,

“I will never marry Connie and neither will anyone else.”

Mitchell related an instance when he returned to Odyssey undercover and his partner at the time was undercover as his fiance. Before Mitchell could contact his former girlfriend Connie Kendall to rekindle their love, he was kidnapped by Lollar. Mitchell gave us reports that Lollar was feeding false information to the rest of the writers. One of the writers, Kathy Buchanan, told fans of the show that:

“Today Mitch and Maureen live in Madagascar (I’d tell you why, but it’s so top secret I don’t even know) with little Maggie, Melissa, and Mitch Jr. And their mangy mutt, M&M. Happily ever after….”

However, according to Mitchell, he has been captive under Lollar’s house for the last 9 years. Mitchell also told our reporter that when he was not repeating phrases about Kendall not getting married, he was forced to listen to Lights Out at Whit’s End on repeat. We reached out to Lollar for comment and he replied: “I have the power…”

For SONN, I’m John Tuttle III. Goodnight.


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