While our top reporters were on the field today, President Dion Farkus declared today “flick Buddy’s ear month”. He reported that the president also declared the right-index finger “the most sacred of all fingers”. We spoke to Mr. Farkus later that day.
It turned out that the President of the United States was in fact not Dion and instead a man called “Joe Biden”. We are working hard to this mystery. Dion also stated that he had reconciled with Leonard Norman, also known as “Buddy” after a heart operation several years ago. (Our researcher Joshua is confirming or denying this statement). What a touching story. As for the reporter, you can be sure we’ll set him straight. This is Don Treply, reporting.